when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
