not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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