Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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