he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
