Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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