Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
