i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize