Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize