Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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