Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
