Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
