Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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