Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
