A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
