That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
