last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
