trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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