the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
