just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
