im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
