oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
