In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
