i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
