turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
