So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
