hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
