So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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