are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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