I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
