No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
