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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize