I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
