It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
