I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
