The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
