He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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