Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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