There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
