I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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