you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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