I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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