How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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