My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
