I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize