I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize