Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
