you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
