Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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