She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
