Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
