Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
