Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
