Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My bed smells like the plague
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
