We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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