Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
