How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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