I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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