I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
