Will you blow on my dice?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
