I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Randomize
