Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
