I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
