If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
