My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you never un-have a 4some
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize