Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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