I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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