no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
