My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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