I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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