shes about as inviting as chlamydia
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
