We're like a lot better than the average bears
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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