Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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