3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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