I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I cannot find my penis.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The struggles of a small town man whore
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
