I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wear drunk well.
Randomize